I’ve made four films since my short I Was Not Who I Was got selected by The Urban Dreams Mental Health Film Festival in 2024: The Earthling, This Is Love, Hamlet Prepares, and Distortions.
Between The Earthling, This Is Love, and Hamlet Prepares I submitted to total of ten festivals and got rejected by all of them. I was disheartened both due to the rejections and due to the squandered money. I just felt foolish. I believed in the films, flawed as some of them are, but they did not achieve any semblance of success (apart from the mere fact of existing). I put them on my tumbleweed-covered YouTube channel and there they live, hoping to be discovered by anyone.
Not only frustrated by the rejection and the cost, I was frustrated by how long it took to hear back from these festivals. It was agonizing to just sit and wait up to six months in some cases only to get a rejection. The process seemed entirely antithetical to the way I work and what I desire. So I decided to reject the film festival process, revamp my YouTube channel, and find my own way. I even made videos about my decision, enjoying adopting a “damn the man” posture. The only problem with my plan is that I have no audience on YouTube and I don’t necessarily have the patience required to get one. Nevertheless, I persisted, adamant that I’d release my next film, whatever it would be, on YouTube for free. I’d cut the money and the institutional validation out of the process and connect with regular people.
That was my dream, anyway.
Then, I finally got an idea for a new short film after ruminating for several months. I was performing a cognitive behavioral therapy exercise challenging cognitive distortions. As I was naming distortions in my mind it dawned on me. This is the short film! I thought about it some more and realized it was the perfect basis for a sequel to my most successful film, I Was Not Who I Was. Once those pieces of the puzzle fell into place I was off to the races. I shot Distortions over the course of a couple weeks, gradually building an examination of a mind in recovery from a psychotic episode.
It was a thoroughly enjoyable process. This time around I had a script and I stuck to it (for the most part). There’s dialogue in the film, which was a joy and a challenge to orchestrate. There are subtle callbacks to I Was Not, but you don’t need to have seen the first to understand Distortions.
After it was complete, I sent it to my mother. I listened to her watch it over the phone. It made her cry.
As I heard her sob I could feel the holes in my YouTube plan widening.
“You should submit this, Tim. I know you want to put it on YouTube, but I think you should submit this.”
She voiced what I’d already been feeling, but didn’t want to admit. In truth, if I published Distortions on YouTube it would die almost immediately. Its audience wouldn’t expand beyond my circle of friends and family. To let that be its fate felt fundamentally wrong.
“I think you’re right, Mom.”
I went to Film Freeway, a site I’d been avoiding for months. I saw that Dances With Films, one of a few festivals I really want to get into, had a deadline in late October and a notification date of December 4th. Both of those details appealed to me. I’d be able to get in just under the wire, and I’d find out in just a little over a month whether or not I got selected. I’m also happy to submit to Dances With Films because they offer feedback to every film. This would be my third submission to them. Here’s what they said about This Is Love:
“A very true to life relatable portrayal of a couple. The drone shot reflected in Tim's glasses then traveling up into the universe, intercut with the mundanity of everyday married life, was a really nice touch. This was an honest insight into married life with moments of poignancy, touching on the positives and negatives of reaching middle age. “
And here’s what they said about I Was Not Who I Was:
“The voice over narration and the choice of black and white gave the short an existential quality that suited the piece tonally.”
So even if the film doesn’t get selected I’ll hear something back from them, which is better than most other festivals.
Next, on my list would be any festival dedicated to mental health. This led me to The NYC Mental Health and Wellness Film Festival. When I read the reviews of the festival it became clear that this was the rebrand of The Urban Dreams festival that had selected I Was Not Who I Was in 2024! They also had a fast-approaching October deadline. Again, the stars aligned and so I submitted. I’ll find out if I’m selected by January 31st.
I’d be lying if I suggested I didn’t very much want to get selected by these festivals. I want my film to have an in-person audience. I want to see the title on the big screen and talk about the film with people who’ve just seen it. I want this so much that I’m almost bracing for impact. I feel like a sky diver so caught up in the experience that he forgets to open his parachute.
I even got business cards made in the event either festival selects Distortions. I was woefully unprepared in 2024 and missed out on the chance to establish a few contacts. Not again. My goal remains to no longer need a day job by the time I’m fifty years old. While I don’t expect there to be a bidding war over any film I make within the immediate future, I know that I need to take tangible steps toward getting there. I feel good about these two festivals.
And I have to thank my mom for, as she says, “Supporting the arts!” and covering the submission fees.
We’re both eagerly anticipating the news.
There’s a pretty good chance we’ll be heartbroken if Distortions gets rejected, but I’ve been rejected before. It’s just a part of the process.
This time around, though, I think I’ve got a pretty good shot.
No matter what happens, I’m going to allow myself to dream.
Watch the trailer for Distortions below and let me know what you think!
